How real is "current reality"?
How most of us distort the truth for our own reasons
Many years ago a consultant/mentor I worked with gave me a tool I’ve used many times since. When a senior group discussion hit a wall, he would say “Let’s step back and frame the current reality. The simple way of doing it was simple— a timeline graphic. Either on a big whiteboard or several taped easel pad pages, we would chart key events for the company, over time.
What are the major things that have happened? When? Where does that go on our chart?
It was always amazing to me how much more grounded the discussion became, with the group. People got more located psychologically in space and time, to the present. Then really productive discussions emerged. I didn’t have to do anything, content-wise, other than chart the timeline.
The same applies on an individual level. What often occurs is a detour of a real conversation because it’s common for many people to hyperbolize, generalize, exaggerate, extract, or distract from the real issue at hand.
How we use our communications to distort for ourselves and others what’s really true:
Hyperbole: “All our valuable people are leaving the company!” In fact, Maria has said she’s thinking about changing jobs for a new career.
Generalization: “Morale in the group is really low right now!” In fact, someone mentioned at the coffee machine that their work is not as motivating as it originally was.
Exaggeration: “We’re losing money right now!” Based on what numbers, over how long a period of time? In fact, things may be right on course, given the economy and a longer timeline.
Extraction: “No one is happy!” Who, exactly, is unhappy, and how do you know that?
Distraction: “How we recycle is the thing we need to deal with!” vs. We’re trying to stay afloat as a company.
So, to take a healthier and more zen or Stoic stance, in any of these instances, would be to accurately assess the current realities. Without prejudice, bias, or skewed perspective. Believe me, as simple as it may sound, that’s not as simple as it may seem. What is the real data? How do you know?
It’s fine to have our own opinions about what to do about it, but not to cloud the truth about our starting points.
First, enlightenment. Then, do the laundry. - zen saying
"Reality is always kinder than the stories we tell ourself."
A great example of this is the current awareness of the American people about the state of their government. They say they "don't pay attention to politics" or don't want to talk about what can be done about the tyrants in power - this consciousness will take us down. And NO ONE wants the place it creates. We are lazy and stupid consumers and just want to be entertained. SO DANGEROUS.